I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin