I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.