and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this