Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she told me i tasted like america
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.