this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
