im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
