I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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