I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
