just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
