I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
