I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
