Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We had to coat check the pizza.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
