i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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