i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ladies don't puke and tell
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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