i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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