Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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