This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize