chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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