Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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