thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
