Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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