sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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