You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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