The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize