i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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