Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
