I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
