Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
