Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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