A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
