peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
