No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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