So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
