Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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