ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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