How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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