i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
