Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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