Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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