Christians are straight up FREAKS
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
