Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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