I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
