My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
