Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
