I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
