My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
