sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
