Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
