I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
