I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
