Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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