i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
