i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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