he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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