he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
