my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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