This house was built for laser tag.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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