It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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