Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
