her vagine was all disorganized.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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