Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
