I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
